Some of the stupid things I said/thought before having kids

These are in no particular order:

• The kid will need to fit into our lifestyle, not the other way around (eye roll)

• Why would we need to eat at Spur? All we need is a feeding chair and we can eat at proper restaurants like we always do (I now have a Spur loyalty card)

• I’m going to get the baby into a routine as soon as we get home from the hospital. It’s all about consistency (give me a moment, I’m still laughing) 

• If the baby is drinking too often then just wait longer between feeds so she’s hungry (spoken like someone who has no kids and has never cared for a hungry child)

• Oh no, the baby will sleep in her cot and not in our bed at all. That’s a terrible habit to get into. (Unless it’s the only way you can get any sleep. Then you kick the husband out, stick the baby in bed and everyone can get some rest)

• Why would having kids result in you ‘losing yourself’? What the hell does that mean anyway? (Oh man, if I only knew…)

• I think we should send the kids to a boarding school when its time for high school. It’s good to teach them independence plus an amazing networking opportunity for later.  (I can’t even send her to half day daycare without leaving early to fetch her)

• I’m going to avoid screen time for as long as possible. They should rather use their imagination and play with blocks or mentally stimulating toys. (I literally have to wade through all the plastic crap strewn across the lounge floor. Not to mention that my eldest frequently plays games in the tablet WHILE watching tv)

• We are going the minimalist route. Very few, good quality toys. Preferably made from wood. Plastic is terrible for the environment. (My eyes almost rolled out of my head with this one)

• I refuse to dress my daughter in pink. It’s a stereotype I don’t want to perpetuate. (This kid is pink obsessed. I don’t know how or why or when it happened but it did. I can’t fight it)

It’s true what they say. The best parents are the ones who don’t actually have any kids 😂